Is butter a carb? Yes? Grool. I mean— that’s SO FETCH! (never stop trying to make FETCH happen!) And now you don’t have to! Now all you have to do is get your tickets to see Mean Girls on the national tour as it sweeps through Baltimore for a one-week engagement at The Hippodrome. Based on the iconic screen-gem with book by Tina Fey, Music by Jeff Richmond, and Lyrics by Nell Benjamin, this is the quintessential high-school musical— yes, even more so than the show that’s actually called High School Musical. Because Mean Girls speaks to those currently in high school as well as those of us who have been through and remember it. It’s a powder-keg of power house vocals with high-octane musical numbers and insanely-charged dance routines to back up all of the enjoyment. It’s a true summer sizzler and it’s right in Baltimore’s backyard.

If Video Designers Adam Young and Finn Ross’ style of projections as scenery became the standard for visual projections as background scenery, the quality of every national tour and Broadway show would multiply exponentially. If it wasn’t for the fact that you physically see these visual effects swoop, swipe, slide, and splash into place, you could easily swear you were staring at three-dimensional scenery— walls, lockers, classrooms with noticeboards and other educational paraphernalia. Young and Ross have fabricated an astonishing visual effect with their work; it’s so realistic (and even when it’s not— like the crazy swoopy hearts used during “Stupid With Love” or the insane party graphics and Regina George’s head as balloons) you would swear it isn’t projections and video work at all. Ross and Young, working with Scenic Designer Scott Pask, make flawless transitions that happen in the blink of an eye— from somewhere at school, to somebody’s house to the mall— and oh the detail and pun-work that has gone into all the shop fronts and names of stores in those mall scene video-projections— it’s stellar. Working in tandem with the show’s lighting designer, Kenneth Posner, the overall aesthetic for the production is Broadway quality and then some.

Really bringing home the idealization of aesthetic is the work of Costume Designer Gregg Barnes. On Wednesdays they wear pink? And there is PINK. (Props and shoutouts to Makeup Designer Milagros Medina-Cerdeira for making some of those sparkly pink eyeshadow shades, particularly on the plastics, really pop!) There’s also six sorts of sex-appeal rolling around during the number “Sexy”, with everything from ‘sexy corn’ to ‘sexy Rosa Parks’. Barnes does not disappoint whether it’s costuming that number or creating the more down-to-earth and totally nerdtastic Mathletes jackets for NSHS! And in the opening scene, with the glorious African animal puppet pieces, Barnes deserves extra credit for both effort and functionality because they look like they could be straight-up on loan from Disney’s The Lion King.

With an epic score, amazing lyrics, and of course a fantastic story— it’s Tina Fey and she already made the movie a huge success— Mean Girls is ‘the it’ show this summer. And one of its finer focal points is of course all the energetic dance routines featured all throughout the performance by way of Choreographer & Director Casey Nicholaw. With varying musical styles— everything from good old-fashioned Broadway show-stoppers to more intensely urban-charged break-dance routines— Nicholaw displays a mastery of versatility when it comes to choreographing the show. Including semaphore with cafeteria trays during “Where Do You Belong” and a snazzy tap break for “Stop” there’s no boundary that Nicholaw won’t push to achieve creative, innovative choreography that is both fabulous in its originality and executed with precision and indefatigable energy.

This production is robustly bursting at the seams with talent— everyone from Ms. Norbury (at this performance Mary Beth Donahoe), who doubles up as Mrs. George and Mrs. Heron to Kevin G (Kabir Bery) is putting their best foot forward and showcasing some serious ‘squills’ (according to Kevin G it’s like the totally FETCH way to say ‘mad skills’.) Bery, as Kevin G, lays down a bunch of dope beats both for two hot seconds at the talent show and then later during “Whose House Is This?” He’s also got some pretty fly dance moves and can be heard harmonizing hardcore during “Do This Thing.” Donahoe, who plays the three-track role Tuesday through Friday while in Charm City, delivers three very distinctively diverse characters. Though you only encounter her Mrs. Heron for a few moments, you can tell she’s mellow and maternal. And while Ms. Norbury, with her pithy sarcasm and ‘pusher’ mentality is arguably the more present character, it’s Donahoe as Mrs. George that is most memorable. From her extremely affected stretch-walk (on 27-million-inch stilettos) to her hilarious delivery of ‘cool mom’, and then her extremely touching rendition of “What’s Wrong With Me? (Reprise)”, Donahoe really resonates with the audience as this particularly kooky character.

Much like in the movie, the show revolves primarily around the ‘friendship’ dynamic of the various cliques at North Shore High School, including of course the infamous plastics. And much like the movie there is ‘the love interest’ Aaron Samuels (Adante Carter), former boyfriend of Regina George, future hopeful for Cady Heron. But unlike the movie, the Aaron Samuels character feels like an attachment or a ‘supreme package’ upgrade rather than an integral part of the original story. Carter is genuine and has a beautiful voice with a bright and wondrous tenor range, which is heard most during his verse of the “Stupid With Love” extended ending and his duet in the second act “More Is Better.” Carter gives a great performance; Tina Fey just didn’t give him much to work with for this particular role.

Tackling the role of Karen Smith with flying colors of the airheaded variety, Morgan Ashley Bryant delivers all of the stereotypical ‘dumb-blond’ one-liners with such exacting comic precision the audience is non-stop laughing at the character. Except for when Smith brings the character to these brilliant moments of hard, real truths, in which she has the audience 1000% on her side, cheering for her (seriously, I cannot remember a time when one character had so many pauses because the audience could not stop cheering her.) With an incredible voice that really shines like a supernova during “Sexy.” Her sincerity as an individual is equally balanced against the space-brained humors of the character; Bryant handles both brilliantly.

The other post of the pyramid upon which Regina George perches— IE the other third of the plastics posse— Gretchen Wieners (Jasmine Rogers) has more dynamic structure built into the character framework. Rogers has a fortified voice that really rings true and clear through “What’s Wrong With Me?” in an almost torch-song for her own lost self-confidence that she one-day hopes to reclaim. It’s tragically beautiful in both its music and lyrics and even more so Rogers’ voice doing the work during the number. Delivering all of the perfect plastic physicality— from when she’s embodying a jungle animal at the mall to being a yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-bird when mouthing back at Cady— Rogers has mastered this role of right-hand-to-the-plastic-queen. You get to hear her stellar voice for a second time in solo during the “What’s Wrong With Me? (Reprise)” and it’s equally, if not more so, moving the second time around.

From the moment Regina George (Nadina Hassan) is wheeled into the cafeteria atop her cafeteria table like some idolized statue, she is the epitome of Queen Bee Mean Girl and every fiber of her being is on fire with dominance, confidence, and popularity. Hassan’s character doesn’t even really sing during her moniker-song, “Apex Predator” (that’s a Janis/Cady tune) but she is serving up so much ferocity and sass and serious attitude, shaking her lioness mane from the top of the faux escalator, it’s seriously scintillating. Hassan may deliver pure, raw, unadulterated ice-queen realness when she sparks into “Someone Gets Hurt” but vocally she’s a solar flare about to incinerate an entire galaxy. If James Bond had a villainess and that villainess got their own song it would be Nadina Hassan as Regina George standing and delivering “Someone Gets Hurt.” Snappy with her textual delivery and vicious like a true tigress with teeth, Hassan is giving the world Regina George realness beyond as shadow of a doubt. Using her sublime vocals to send shrieking chills up the spine, Hassan all but explodes the stage in a volatile conflagration during “World Burn.” Knock down, drag out, no contest, Nadina Hassan is the quintessential pick for being Regina George in Mean Girls.

But forget Mean Girls for one hot second— because when Lindsay Heather Pearce, Eric Huffman, and English Bernhardt are first introduced over the course of the show’s first three numbers, you could easily think that you’ve come to see these rising young superstars duking it out over Elphaba-callbacks. The powerhouse trifecta of Pearce, Huffman, and Bernhardt— playing Janis Sarkisian, Damian Hubbard, and Cady Heron, respectively— could probably actually blow the physical roof off the place with their intense, unyielding, Broadway-star belting capabilities, and honestly during those first three numbers it’s like the three of them are trying to figure out who can belt it out with more heart and soul, more volume and intensity, and more character-ground. And it’s a three-way, dead-heat tie.

Eric Huffman as the flamboyant and flagrantly fabulous Damian Hubbard is the perfect fit for the role. There is so much pluck, punch, and overall panache being delivered every time Hubbard’s character bursts— like spontaneously combusts— into song, which is frequently in this show, you cannot help but love on this very talented man. The sassy, expositive “A Cautionary Tale” showcases his range, the delightfully pumped, true-showmanship ringer “Where Do You Belong?” showcases his singing and dancing, and there’s a bunch of moments that put his comedy skills on display for all to laugh at and enjoy. Huffman is a proper triple threat and if you thought he was aces during “Where Do You Belong?” you’ll lose your mind over his performance in “Stop” (which smacks heavily of “Turn It Off” from The Book of Mormon.)

Fierce, ferocious, vocally unapologetic, Lindsay Heather Pearce delivers huge, bombastic belts during “A Cautionary Tale” as well as “Apex Predator”, and her victorious party number, “I’d Rather Be Me.” The witty, bone-dry delivery that Pearce develops for Janis gives a clean throughline back to the movie character while simultaneously creating this Janis, for the musical, to be the narrative conduit (alongside Damian) for the audience. Emotional fortitude and character realness are unquestionable elements of Pearce’s sensational performance, really making her the ‘underdog it girl’ if ever there was one.

And as for English Bernhardt, belting her heart out, pouring her soul out, and transforming from innocent home-schooled ‘Eliza Thornberry’ style simple girl to total hard, shiny plastic Regina-George clone, she’s phenomenal. When you first hear her sing— she lives up to the song’s name, “It Roars” and her voice does roar all through that number with astonishing clarity, exquisite vocal intonation, and stellar emotional depth. Watching her progress through the seismic shift in her character’s story is unbelievable; Bernhardt handles it extremely well. “Fearless” and “Do This Thing” are also numbers where Bernhardt gets to vocally knock it out of the park. She’s on fire, a proper triple threat just like so many of the other brilliant performers in this cast.

So what are you waiting for, loser? Get in! We’re going— to the Hippodrome! And remember, on Wednesdays (and every day is Wednesday at Mean Girls) we wear pink! If you don’t get your tickets— YOU CAN’T SIT WITH THEM!! And you definitely do not want to miss an invitation to the coolest, most popular show in town!

Mean Girls plays July 12, 2022 through July 17, 2022 at Baltimore’s Hippodrome Theatre in the France-Merrick Performing Arts Center— 12 N. Eutaw Street in the Bromo Seltzer Arts District of Baltimore, MD. For tickets call the box office at (410) 752-7444 or purchase them purchase them online.

To read the interview with Nadina Hassan on playing queen-bee mean girl Regina George, click here.